vigil

Deciding not to keep "vigil" tonight. Obsessively checking news updates on the protest and pacing my balcony trying to see what I can see and hear doesn't help anyone and especially not me. 

Joining my brothers and sisters in feeling powerless, hopeless, and frustrated. 

summer

Korra got to eat the very first ripe tomato from our garden

She also played in the sprinkler (which like the swing is making it's debut since moving into the apartment). 

food delivery

This afternoon I volunteered with Food4Life to deliver groceries. I delivered to 5 households and it only took me a little over an hour (back in time to watch the launch!). I hope this is the first many deliveries I'm able to make this summer. 

Pick up line

Setting: 7:15am, Cenral Park, muggy

Characters:

Me- 35 years old, totally preoccupied with anxiety about the world, very sweaty, headphones in listening to Derek Webb, 2 miles into my 3 mile run

Man- middle age, smoking a cigar, sitting at a picnic table

Man: "looking good!"

Me (taking out earbud): "sorry?"

Man: "looking good!"

Me: "oh, thanks"

Man: "are you from Tennessee?"

Me (confused): um, no...

Man: "cause you're the only 10 I see"

Me: (almost trips from laughing): "thanks!  I needed that"

Can't sleep

Helicopters, ambulances, fire trucks

Just a few of the reasons I can't sleep. 

Lord have mercy

Pray for Minneapolis, Atlanta, Charlotte, Louisville, New York, Omaha...

God, bring justice and peace. 

Things that have kept my kid busy today

https://youtu.be/eX3Q5y8Dz58

🎥 EP2: Meryl Streep & Benedict Cumberbatch join Taika Waitit to read James & the Giant Peach | #WithMe

https://youtu.be/tbCjkPlsaes

🎥 Pokemon | A Cosmic Kids Yoga Adventure

https://youtu.be/urGIbCsCgNg

🎥 ASL Animals Song Lesson for Kids - Learn how to sign Animals with Fireese

purple hair

Today Korra and I dyed our hair purple. 

anticlimactic

Today was the last teacher work day off the 2019-2020 school year. Just like the last day of school for the kids, today was really weird and anticlimactic. We had a two and a half hour video conference meeting in the morning, during which I multi-tasked and posted the last of my grades. I was totally done by 11:30 and that includes a 15 minute break to read a story Korra wrote.  So now it's summer which is bound to be just as weird and anticlimactic as the end of the school year. 

New Used Furniture

In the last week or two, I bought Korra a bookshelf (her old one fell apart) and a small desk (since it looks like online school for at least part of need a next school year is very likely). Both were purchased from Nextdoor (second hand, inexpensive, and less than 2 miles from our house). 

swing

For the last two years, I haven't missed having a yard- there are so many parks and playgrounds close by. That was before the pandemic. 

So today I attached the disc swing we haven't used since moving to the apartment to our second floor railing and...

Might have broken several HOA rules but desperate times and all. 

The best part is that I can take it down and put it back up easily without a ladder!

Animal Workout

If you have an Alexa, try out the Animal Workout skill.  It kept Korra happily entertained for almost half an hour- and got her moving!  I'm counting that as my win of the day.

Student texts and calls

Due to "distance learning," students have my cell phone number for the first time in my 14 years of teaching. It's led to some interesting texts and calls (often outside of traditional school hours). 

My students had over a week to do make up assignments- all were due at 3:00 on Friday. A student called me at 5:00 on Friday sobbing because his dad finally realized that he just clicked "turn in" on about a dozen assignments instead of actually doing them. 

Another student texted me at 8:00 tonight to ask me if we're going to have school at all next year. 

Another year

Renewed our lease for another year. It's weird to think we've lived in Atlanta for almost 4 years. 

Memorial Day at the Cabin

Korra always "drives" up the last road to the cabin. 

We made sugar cookies (complete with sprinkles and homemade frosting). Korra used the mixer all by herself. 

Korra and I probably spent 2-3 hours down by the creek each day. Korra liked throwing rocks, stacking rocks, splashing, and building a bridge. I liked reading and listening to the sound of the running water. 

new earrings

I forgot to write about it the other day but Korra finally got to change out her earrings.  it's been 5 months since she got them pierced and she couldn't wait to put on the Pokemon earrings she got for Christmas. 

Culver's

There's a Culver's on the way to the cabin. If you don't know what Culver's is, you're missing out. Until recently, Culver's only existed in the Midwest and originated in Wisconsin. The best things on the menu (in my humble opinion) are the custard (chocolate, vanilla, it flavor of the day), the cheese sauce to go with the fries, and the fried cheese curds (yes you read that right). Korra doesn't remember getting custard when we went to Wisconsin but she's said they her mint Oreo custard was the "best thing I've ever eaten." A girl after my own heart. 

traffic is back

We're on our way to the cabin for the long weekend and the Atlanta traffic is officially back. Maybe not quite to normal, but it's definitely getting there. It's so weird to live in a state that's pretending everything is over and ok when it's not by a long shot. 

Hopefully we can forget about it for a few days while reading on the porch swing. 

Cruise Cancelled

Celebrity finally cancelled our cruise. Decided to get a refund instead of credit for a future cruise since we're just not sure when we'd feel comfortable going on a trip like that.

outfoxed

I bought a new board game for Korra and I to play and it was a big hit. It's called Outfoxed and I highly recommend it to anyone with kids under 10. It's pretty fun even for me which is a huge improvement over Candy Land. 

Positive Attitude

Today was Korra's virtual awards ceremony.  She got the Positive Attitude award.  

Kind of hard to reconcile that with the child who argues with 95% of the things Nate and I say and complains for a solid 40% of her waking moments these days.  

Clearly she's a different child when she's at school and away from her parents.

World Record

I think Korra is trying to win a world record for the longest time spent getting pajamas on. 24 minutes and counting. 

Another (Safe) Social Day

This morning we went to the creek to play with friends. 

This evening we had game night over Google Hangouts with some other friends. 

(Also I made oatmeal raisin pecan cookies, ham and cheese rolls, and veggie pizza including homemade dough AND took a nap!)

Measured Risks

Navigating in-person relationships right now feels an awful lot like talking about sex.  The conversations include things like "risk factors," exclusivity, and protection.  "How many other people are you seeing?" and "Are you being safe?" are common questions.  Not to mention the inner questions of  "What if people see me going into their house?" and "What will people say if they find out/when I tell them?" 
But just like sex, you've just got to make the best possible decision for yourself (and the other person involved) that you can each moment, with as much information as you have.   All that being said, I've decided to be fully honest and admit that we've broken out of self-isolation and are seeing a few people.  I have a lot of conflicting feelings about it.  I'm nervous about our health and worried about being judged, and also the happiest I've been in over 2 months.
Last Friday, we went over to friends' house for dinner (for Shabbat) and a board game. 
Today, Korra and I went over to a friend from school's house.  My friend and I sat at the kitchen table and talked and worked.  Korra and the daughter (also any only child who is her age), played happily together for 4 hours. 
This evening, we had a socially-distant picnic in friends' yard and kicked around the soccer ball with Korra. 
In one week we've seen 3 families.  We've been INSIDE 2 other people's houses.  I know it's not totally safe.  I know there are risks.  But I also know that for me and my family, this is a measured risk that we've decided to take.  We're not going to the movies or restaurants or church.  We're not going to crowded areas.  We're still wearing face masks whenever we go to the store (which is only every other week) and washing our hands extra.  I don't think we'll be expanding our circle much or going to see anyone daily.  Maybe I'm just rationalizing so I don't feel guilty, but at the same time, I think this is really wonderful for my family's mental and emotional health.  I feel happy and hopeful, which is really different from how I felt just over a week ago. 

Grateful List

Korra and I made a Grateful List by the complex mailboxes and invited neighbors to add to the list. About 5 people added to it while we were there and we even left extra chalk for people who come by later. 

Book Update: 19

I've read 19 novels in the 2 months of self-isolation. The latest was probably my favorite: What Looks Like Crazy on an Ordinary Day. I highly recommend it. 

Much better

The weekend felt really depressing. Yesterday felt a lot better. Maybe I put too much pressure on the weekend to be fun.  Maybe the routine of work (even this pseudo-teaching) is enough to give me purpose/structure/satisfaction. Either way, I'm feeling better and I'll take it. 

Trapped and disappointed and frustrated

All I wanted to do to celebrate Mother's Day was go for a bike ride to get milkshakes and cheese fries. 

First, we went to get Nate's bike a new tire (someone stole his front tire off his locked bike from our 2nd floor front porch in a gated complex). The place was packed. No one was social distancing or wearing masks.  We were right by the Beltline and could see that there were even more people there. Bike ride cancelled.

We were still able to get shakes and fries, just not at the place I really wanted. And we had to go through the drive-thru instead of biking. It was really disappointing because it made me feel so trapped. Even the things we should be able to do safely (go for a bike ride) are limited. I know this is just is just a little thing but there are so many little things. The summer is looming large and long and frustrating and boring. I'm so tired of this and there's so little relief. And there no end in sight. 

This is not to say I don't have millions of things to be thankful for (and I am!). Like Daniel Tiger says, "sometimes, you feel two feelings at the same time and that's ok."  I just need to keep working at being ok with not really being ok. 

Homemade Mother's Day

I made cinnamon biscuits 

and Korra made me this: 

Benihana Disappointment

Tonight was our weekly take-out night. We decided on Habachi and the only place near enough for delivery was a bit of the expensive side but we thought it would be worth it. Nope. No rice (even though it was supposed to come with the meal) and the rest of the food was just mediocre (especially for the price). Good thing tomorrow is Mother's Day and we can justify eating out again. 

Family Zoom

Summer Camp Refund

Right after cancelling our Jekyll trip, I got an email reminding me to fill out a form to receive a refund for Korra's Girl Scout camp.  Sad day.

Reservation Cancelled

I just cancelled our reservation for 3 nights in a hotel in Jekyll Island for Memorial Day weekend.  I am so so so sad.  I was looking forward to that little get away so much.  I had desperately hoped things would be better by then.  Thankfully, we were able to cancel it without any penalty.  

Now we're just waiting for our cruise to be cancelled.  Our cruise line (Celebrity) has cancelled all cruises up to June 11.  Our cruise would be the first one to sail (if the cancellations don't get extended).  We'll cancel if they don't (thanks, Travel Insurance), but I'd rather they do it.  

Maybe we can still go visit family this summer?  A girl can dream.

That's still normal

Watching Survivor on Wednesday nights with a bowl of popcorn (and a glass of wine). 

4+ feet

The tomato plants that we planted on the first day of "distance learning" are now over 4 feet tall and full of flowers and little tomatoes. 

irritable and restless

I can't remember if I already blogged about this but Korra and I talked last week and were able to put specific names to the feelings we're having often: irritable and restless. Most of the country is feeling that way right now along with scared, frustrated, lonely. 

Both Korra and I were pretty irritable and restless today which is extra hard when we've spent nearly every waking minute in the same 1000 square feet for 7 weeks. 

Playing in the creek

Korra got to be with another kid, in person, for the first time in 7 weeks this afternoon. We met up with some friends at a park where Korra and our 4 year old goddaughter played in a creek (usually) about 6 feet apart. The weather was perfect. The area of the park we were in was totally deserted during the 2 hours we were there. It was so refreshing and wonderful to be with friends. 

taskmaster

We've enjoyed watching the British games show called Taskmaster where comedians are given silly tasks to complete. Today I gave Korra a task we saw on the show- move water from one bucket to another with only some random objects. I gave her a tortilla bag with holes cut in the bottom, a sponge, a tiny medicine cup, and a sauce ladel. It was a fun 10 minutes for all of us. 

Lego Ring Toss

This morning's Lego activity. 

Self-Isolation Saturday

This is what my Saturday in self-isolation looked like (even though the shelter-in-place order is lifted and its beautiful outside and TONS of people in the city are out and about).
I went for a 2.5 mile run/walk.
I made waffles.
I rode my bike 3 miles round trip to Publix to pick up a prescription (and raspberries).
I took an hour long bubble bath (where I ate all the raspberries without sharing any).
I ate lunch and started a load of laundry.
I took a 2 hour nap.
I read in the hammock for an hour and a half.
I tailored 2 dresses that I bought on schoola.org for $3 each so they actually fit me.
I made avocado chicken salad for dinner.
We went on our usual family walk.
I played on my phone (Duolingo and Wordscapes) while Nate and Korra rented and watched the Sonic movie (which on Skype with his brother and our niece and nephew, who were also watching it)
I read in bed for half an hour.

It was pretty much as good as a day of self isolation can be- especially when we've been doing this for 7 weeks.

Used all my patience

For more than 2 hours today, I was on a Video Chat with a student trying to get him to focus while taking an assessment.  It was exhausting and frustrating and we barely made it through a third of the test.  I'm already dreading trying again on Monday.