Almost 5

Her last day of being 4. 

Highs and Lows

Every time something good happens at school, I brace myself for the gut punch that is sure to come.  This morning I was asked to lead the staff on a hike to the outdoor classrooms.  It was muddy but so good for my soul.  Not 3 hours later, I hear through the grapevine that one of the founding members of the staff has been fired.

Waiting is Hard

Interview and model lesson complete.  Thank you email sent.  Now I have to wait for almost 2 weeks for them to finish interviews before I'll hear. 

Interview

I have a job interview today. I am 30 minutes early. I am so nervous. 

I Was So Mad

At school, Korra's class read a book called "I Was So Mad" and then wrote about a time they got mad. Korra wrote "I was so mad because mom interrupted me."

That is definitely her pet peeve. 

No PTO

We've just been told that our paid time off is only for emergencies. We aren't allowed to take vacation days or schedule appointments. 

This culture/leadership is so toxic. 

Summer Shade

We went to Grant Park this afternoon with some friends to walk around the Summer Shade Festival. We at at food trucks, played at the playground, sort of listened to the bands and looked at the stuff for sale at the stalls. Mostly we just walked and talked and enjoyed the somewhat cooler weather. 

Too Tired for That

We were going to go out to dinner tonight but Korra is just to tired to take out in public. She cried almost the whole way home from school. She cried through her bath (she and her friends put dirt in their faces and in their hair at recess). I feel like a bad mom because I know she wouldn't be nearly so tired if I wasn't dragging her out the door at 6:30am (30 minutes to school and I have meetings at 7am every morning even though kids don't start until 8:30). 

Tattoo

Nate got new tattoos today, including one on his ring finger to replace his wedding band. Harry Potter stars!  

Multiplication

People always ask if we taught Korra how to read. Nope. Her 3 year old Montessori teacher did that (plus a good deal of self determination). But I will take credit for this. She's home sick (fever again) but feels totally fine with Tylenol. So we're learning the concept of multiplication with beads. 

Sick Day

Korra's fever was gone last night but was back again this morning. I debated just giving her some Tylenol and sending her anyway but thankfully I thought this might happen and I already had some rough sub plans ready on my desk. So now we're watching Daniel Tiger. Did I mention I've got a cold?  Really snotty and a sore throat (whereas Korra has a fever and is achey). Do we have the same thing?  

Eclipse!

Fever

Korra had a fever of 101 last night and still this morning.  So she's going to school with Nate today to lay on the floor of his office in her sleeping bag and watch cartoons.  

Artsy Day

After church we attempted to go to the zoo but there were no parking spaces. Then we decided to go to the splash pad near our house only to discover it wasn't turned in. Korra was disappointed when we arrived home so I decided to make it an art afternoon!  She colored with chalk in the porch and bathtub creations in the tub. 

Job Applications

Between last night and tonight, I've completed 5 job applications.  One looks like a dream school. I still feel so torn. Praying for wisdom and peace.

Moana Legos

Korra spent over 2 hours meticulously following the instruction booklet and building a Moana Lego set. And I bet she'll spend another hour playing with them. 

Pancakes and Bikes

Korra and I made pancakes this morning and then headed to the park so she could practice riding her bike. An hour later I begged her to go home because she had gotten so fast that I spent nearly the entire time running at a near sprint. Now we're headed home for a shower and some relaxing reading time before lunch. I will definitely need a nap. 

Bed Buddy

Whenever Nate or I are out of town, Korra likes to sleep in our bed. She is currently laying in there very center of this queen sized bed, spread out like a starfish. Contemplating sleeping in her room tonight...

Bug's Life

Nate's at the cabin for a guys' weekend so Korra and I are eating pizza and watching Bug's Life. 

SURJ

At a meeting for SURJ (Stand Up for Racial Justice) held at our church. There are over 310 people here. I am amazed and hopeful. 

It's everything

 Today we had no internet, no AC, no paper (not that it mattered since the copier was broken), and the fire alarm was broken. And we Spent 45 minutes being taught how to fill in a new but still tedious and less than useful lesson plan template instead of being trained on how to serve out Special Ed students (which now puts us out of compliance and in danger of lawsuits).  I need to find a new job. 

Yoga and prayer

If I  keep waking up an hour before my alarm, I guess I  should get out of bed and be thankful for some prayer and yoga time. 

Better Day

No admin talked to me or emailed me. I got to focus on teaching.  I had one kid say, "this was a great math class" and another say, "I'm really good at math now!" It's so hard to imagine doing anything else but also so hard to imagine staying (in public education) with things the way they are. 

4 hours

Only 4 hours of sleep. God help me. 

Tig

My brother Todd came over to babysit and we went on a fun date tonight. Dinner out with our friends Alice and Adam followed by seeing the very funny Tig Notaro at the Tabernacle. 

I only wish I hadn't seen all those texts from coworkers that lead me to read that email that caused me to stress out and cry and question if I even should be a teacher... That really killed my good mood. 

Launch

Today was the official launch of our church. It was joyful and messy. Just like church should be. 

Wine Sleepy

I was worried that my 2 hour nap would make it hard for me to go to sleep.  But then I drank a big glass of wine slushie...

Asthma?

Spent the morning in urgent care for shallow, rapid, labored breathing. Got an x-ray and hankfully it's not pneumonia. We think it's asthma brought on by allergies or a cold, so she has an inhaler (actually two and an oral allergy medicine) to use until we can get an appointment with her pediatrician (urgent care isn't great with kids or long term solutions).  

Sick Kid

Up at 4:30am with a crying, coughing kid. Going to try to make a doctor's appointment when they open because she's complaining of chest pain and taking really shallow breaths. She was coughing all day yesterday but she's had a runny nose for weeks (I thought it was just allergies until the cough started).  Here's hoping we can both get a little more sleep. 

4am

So tired last night I was sound asleep at 8pm. This morning I woke up at 4am. I imagine I'm going to be headed to bed early again tonight.  I need more sleep. 

F U

We have a portable AC unit in the other side of our trailer classroom (because ours is broken). There's so much chaos at school that it seemed perfectly reasonable that the portable AC unit was not working this morning and had this message for us...

First day of kindergarten

I almost cried but I didn't. 

Pedicures

Back to school pedicure!

Biker

On her second attempt at riding a pedal bike without training wheels, Korra was able to successfully ride for a solid minute or two without falling. She only needs help getting started and she stops by steering into the grass and falling over. I am so proud at how brave and hardworking she's been at this!

I've Been Here Before

I've been trying to process why the changes at my school have been so overwhelmingly stressful and upsetting to me.  I think a big part of it is that I've been here before.
When I was 21, I fell in love with a school.  West Side Fine Arts Magnet School was where I learned from passionate, creative women how to love and teach the whole child.  And then I saw that school die.  I taught in that school as amazing teachers were driven away by a school system and a principal who cared nothing for vision and passion and the arts and who were solely concerned with test scores and mediocrity.  I grieved deeply for the loss of that school.  I then spent the next 4 years being worn down.  I started to believe that just having a job I didn't hate was enough.
And then I met Chatt Hills.  Just when I thought I could never love a school again, I went to interview at this charter school and it was love at first site.  All of my passion for teaching came back during that interview. I felt renewed, like I had woken up from a coma.  Even with it's problems, last year was amazing.  I was once again surrounded by collaborative, creative teachers in a school that encouraged me to live out my convictions about education in the classroom every day.
That is why I feel so betrayed, so crushed by the changes at my school.  I let down my guard and loved a school again and it's happening again.  I've been through this pain before.  I've been in a soul-crushing, dream-destroying school and I don't want to go back there.  I don't want to watch a school I love close.  I don't want to hate my job.

High Protein Waffles

This is a combination/hybrid of 2 recipes (as most things I cook are). I thought they were great. Nate said they were "fine." Definitely a healthier option than traditional waffles and good to have in the rotation for school since they reheated well in the toaster oven. 

Sleep Woes

How in the world am I going to be able to leave for work by 6:30 on Monday morning (and every weekday after that) with a kindergartner who is still wide awake at 10pm and regularly sleeps until 8:30am?

More work crap

We aren't allowed to go into the woods until further notice. They don't have a behavior system ready for the first week of school.  I don't have updated rosters. The executive director changed the time of a patent meeting I was required to attend to 4pm (on a Friday after a looooong week). I need this weekend so badly. 

Open House

Open House was long and I'm very tired but I loved seeing my students and I loved seeing Korra in get kindergarten class even more. She made a new friend!

Too Much

The drama at school is to much to relate completely (here or to anyone who isn't going through this with us). 

The hike was great. We had about half the teachers join us. 

Then we finally met the executive director who had been dictating all of the ridiculous paperwork from Sweden. In his first 5 minutes of campus he told us our test scores are awful and that he doesn't have time to get to know us because we need immediate change. We need to write curriculum and teach at the same time and if we don't like it we should leave now.  Yeah. Not good. And we got told at 3:15 that we can't bring our children to preplanning anyone (15 hours notice).

It's really not good. Pray for us. 

No sleep

I can't fall asleep until near midnight and then I'm wide awake at 6am. I need more sleep. 

Lows and Highs

Preplanning has been really hard. Lots of change. More teachers quit every day. So much meaningless, repetitive, micromanaging desk work. Low morale and lots of whispers and gossip and crying and gossip and fear. Thankfully, I've had some positive, affirming conversations and I've decided to take a stand where I can and set some healthy boundaries and prioritize. Ready for the kids to come and distract me from the adult BS that is currently consuming my mind.