Today is a big day in the lives of quite a few people. Today most of my extended family is gathered in Wisconsin for my cousin's wedding. Today we are celebrating the marriage of 2 friends in Colorado. Today, in Georgia, a large number of our friends will come together to grieve the loss and remember the life of our friend, Jordan.
Oh, Jordan. I miss you so much. My mind still can't seem to get past yelling, "no! It's not fair!" You were a true light- your smile and easy laugh made everyone feel comfortable and welcome. You always surprised me. You could be the leader of what I saw as a pretty conservative stay-at-home moms' group and also buy shots for your friends and play some of the dirtiest Cards Against Humanity cards without blinking an eye. You were always honest and real. You were kind and compassionate. You learned Spanish so you could talk to your neighbors and taught English at the library. You were smart but you still liked some of the dumbest TV shows. You were brave. You took your 2 small kids to Guatemala. You sold all your possessions and moved across the country. You lived hospitality, inviting people to eat and sleep in your tiny house with only one bathroom. You sought out and found beauty everywhere. Jordan, I feel so blessed to have been able to share 5 years of my life with you. We ate together, taught together, walked together, sang and worshipped and prayed together. We raised our kids together, played games together, rolled our eyes at our husbands together. We talked and shared and dreamed about the future together. And now I'm back to "it's not fair." You should still have a future. You should still be here to tell a dirty joke and to sing harmony in a hymn. I know what you'd say because I've heard you say it. God is with us. God is stronger than death. I believe it too. But it's so hard. It hurts so much. It hurts that I can't be with our people, the people who love you, today. I hate the thought of people putting words in your mouth, but I really do think you'd understand why I'm at a wedding in Colorado instead of at your memorial service in Georgia. Jordan, I am so thankful to have known you and yet still so angry that you are gone. I'm not sure where to direct my anger (cancer seems the most logical choice) but I can find a direction for my gratitude. I thank God for bringing us together. And I thank you for being so wonderfully and genuinely you and for all the richness that you added to my life. I love you, Jordan.
